Helpless

This is a post I have debated about writing, it is about sadness, anger, betrayal, and fear. I'm at odds with writing it because I feel like social media can be too personal, you can find out anything about anybody over the Internet now a days, and that is scary after what happened to my parents this weekend. As a social worker, and my own history of depression it becomes clear to me that sometimes I need someone to talk to. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I confide in a friend, write a blog, but this time I just became numb.
My parents and I were talking on the phone, it was around 1030pm on sunday. They were walking home from getting frozen yogurt, the next thing I knew my mom was screaming for like 5-10seconds and then the phone hung up on me. I was confused, and started yelling for Derek and then I kept stumbling telling him what had happened bc I was anxiously redialing my mom's cellphone number over and over again. No answer. Somehow I managed to tell Derek to call my dads phone. My dad answered and I said Dad, what happened are you ok? He said No, damn it we are not. We just got robbed. He said they were running to the sonic just down the road, and I was in shock. My dad said there were two mexican men, he had hit the guy who tried to attack him, and then he got hit and the robbers drove off. Meanwhile my mom was told at gunpoint by the other mexican to turn off her phone, (I didn't hear that bc she was screaming so loud). He tried to grab her purse but it was an over the shoulder and he couldn't get it off of her. I think he saw my dad was hitting the other guy and decided that this was more than they bargained for, let my mom go and she started running toward the middle of the street. She said she was so sad because she was leaving my dad behind to fend for himself. My dad now thinks that the guy with the gun hit him, bc he saw the other guy's eyes roll into the back of his head after he hit him in his left temple with the flashlight he was carrying. I didn't get all of this from them during that first conversation bc I started telling them to call the police right now. They were in shock, just trying to get away. Thinking back I am glad I hadn't called my dads phone right away bc then the robbers might have tried to steal from him too. The robbers only took my mom's iPhone. Thank god nothing more, after this happened I just kept thinking how much my parents mean to me and how hard life would be without them. When the incident occurred I thought that a car had hit them, well more my dad because I didn't hear anything coming from him on the phone. Scariest moment of my life, enough I would say for the PTSD I was diagnosed with 10yrs ago to creep back in letting me know that when trauma happens it needs to be talked about. A few "emotion" words have stuck with me since this happened. Helpless. Sad. Angry. Irritable(with kids & myself). Hurt. Shame. Worry. Fear. Anxiety. Powerlessness.
So many should have, could have, would have, have run through my head along with my mom screaming. It's on replay. When it happened my mind switched to security, i changed my moms passwords to all important accounts. If you ask me now, I have different opinions about iPhones and security.....now. I finally left the house and kids today, went to yoga where I tried to disconnect and focus on me, but no such luck. I did feel better though. I also wrote a journal entry that said basically this same stuff, but with more emotional meaning. I'm numb with sadness, right now I just want to get on the next plane to be with my parents, because lets face it life is so precious. Especially when you are far away from those you love the most.