8months TODAY!

Today Dreycin is 8mos old and started saying MAmum, MA, Mum.....its so sweet and I just love it (even though he probably doesnt know he is saying MOM). Notice the drool, we still have NO teeth yet! Derek and I are still recovering from vacation, we both worked the day after coming back from miami. Fortunately Derek is off, but im working 5days in a row....wish I would have spent more time with my growing boy today but mama toook a much needed 2hr nap! here are a few pics of daddy and dreycin!

July 9, 2002

I usually don’t write or even talk about my past but today, due to things that have come up this year, I feel it is time. I am a very honest person, and will only speak the truth. I am one who forgives, but never forgets for fear of being hurt.

8 years ago, wow it seems like yesterday but at the same time I feel like so much has happened to me (for the good). If you know me, you know that I was a mere 17years old, working full time at Toni & Guy, had already been enrolled full time courses at Richland college for 1year and living with my roommate Jeff. 8 years ago today, Jeff took his own life and left me & many friends and family asking why? I lived with a lot of guilt after that, I had to begin searching for meaning in my own life, starting completely over. I lost alot friends, kept the true ones, and gained some wrong ones. It was the hardest thing I have ever pulled through. And it was greatly due to persistent encouragement from my parents, no matter how bad I was messing up. I decided that January 1st 2003 I would move to Austin. In Austin I had a wonderful family away from home at the Aveda salon I worked at, and a lot of healing happened during that time. I also partied pretty hard though….. In 2003 while living in Austin, I decided I wanted to be a social worker “healer” after taking an intro to social work class. I returned to Dallas, having earned few credits went back to Richland and living with my parents. In 2004 after 2 years on anti-depressants and therapy I realized that no matter what people said, Jeff’s suicide wasn’t my fault. I was only the “icing on the cake” of a bomb that had been ticking for a very long time. I no longer ask “Why,” but over the years have drawn my own conclusions and had speculations about Jeff having taken accutane for two years. That same year the congressional committee released this (http://www.rense.com/general32/scu.htm)
That fall 2004 I started at UNT, and graduated with my Bachelor’s in Social Work in the fall of 2006. It is hard to believe all the good things that have happened to me since then, after such a horrible time in my life. I am at such peace in my life about my past, and having moved forward, with few minor bumbs in the road, I am so happy today with the way things have turned out. I feel sorry for those that make assumptions about my life, my past because for me it is easy to decide that they will not be involved in my family’s future.

From the wise words of Dr. D, “In thinking of my own life I have grown to realize that life is such a fast moving train and have no regrets for what I have done. Maybe for what I have not seen coming and those that will be left behind….but not for what I have done.
Healers heal….this is what we do. And when our time has come to an end we move on and do what comes naturally “heal” again. The beauty is in healing others we can heal ourselves….but sometimes we need a little help from our friends.”

Panama Pics

PANAMA :)

Our trip to Panama was amazing, there was no greater feeling than seeing my grandparents meet my son and spend quality loving time with him. Mi Abuela Belermina is 79 years old, and mi Abuelo Don Che is 88 years old. My mom’s sister Damaris was able to go to Panama from Canada, where she has lived for about 20years. And we were able to spend time with my mom’s brother Jose’s family a lot of the time too. We had so much fun at Playa Blanca Resort, and with my family in Panama City. On the other hand, traveling internationally with an 8mos old is crazy. I am still undecided if I were to do it again! We lugged around car seat, stroller, playard, 3 suitcases, 3 carry on’s, passport, $, and Dreycin in a Baby Bjorn. Do you know how many times we were like “Ok, do we have everything.” We made it all the way to Miami without losing anything, and then we lost the car seat base. But its ok that was a used set we had bought specifically for our last Dallas trip with the stroller & playard for about $90. Thank goodness we have 2 other car seats anyways. So for the first night it was HOT, and when I say hot, I mean humid sticky hot. You have to remember that in Panama, most people including my grandparents do not have air conditioning or even fans. Until this year they didn’t even have hot water, but let me tell ya that those cold showers work wonders in that heat so Derek and I didn’t even use the hot water! The very next day we were off to Playa Blanca for 5nights, and at least had air in our rooms, as well as meals three times a day without having to cook! Derek and I both got burnt the first day out in the sun. I simply forgot to put sunscreen on my back and only got sunburnt there. But my dear husband refused to put sunscreen on anywhere besides his face, and that was from much persistent from me egging on that he would be 30 later this year and didn’t want his face to look too old due to sun damage! Derek was burnt so bad he blistered on both shoulders, then peeled until we got to Miami on Tuesday. It was nice to have someone come in make your bed every day, clean up after you, and stock the rooms with clean towels. The only thing that was a little frustrating to deal with was Dreycin not being able to crawl around on the floor. All the homes/buildings are made with cement, and then have tile floors. We did our best to line the floors with blankets, but had to watch Dreycin like a hawk to make sure he didn’t bust his head open on those hard floors. So im pretty sure Dreycin got use to always being held by someone while on our trip! He was such a happy boy the whole time, and did AMAZING! He took long naps, and some nights even slept all the way through in his play yard! (No my son does not sleep through the night, I believe this is because he is still being breastfed?) It was an amazing trip, not sure if I would call it a vacation because we always had somewhere to be or something to do but definitely worth the time and money we spent!!!! Derek and I are even talking about building a house on my aunt’s land there for retirement, someday, one day soon. FYI Panama is one of the countries you can afford to live off of your Social Security income after retirement! After two days of being back, Derek and I are already back down to the weight we were before we left, thanks to all the natural/non processed foods we were eating while in Panama! I’ll post a few of my favorite pics because there is no way Im posting 250 pictures!
Pictures can tell a 1000 words!

Pics from Memorial Day

Dreycin & Daddy pics.....my favorite is now on our page as our main pic!!!

Swim lessons pics

Looking very forward to this SAturday when I can take pics of Dreycin with his daddy at swim lessons!!!!!

PPD

So a friend of mine who blogs recently wrote a "vlog" about postpartum depression. So here's my take on it. I talk about it with patients every day, I educate those that are unaware of what it is and I talk about signs, symptoms and triggers that have a history of depression. For me after I had Dreycin, I knew I was at risk for postpartum depression because in 2002 I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, at that time I was given antidepressant & antianxiety medication to help me get back on my feet and counseling. Counseling has been on and off for me since then too, which I know if I can go and talk to a neutral, non biased person about what is going on in my life or what I am struggling with it can help me work past it. PTSD for me was a deep depression, where some days I cried all day in bed, feelings of hopelessness/guilt/not wanting to live, or went out and had a little TOO much fun with my friends On top of that clinical depression is diagnosed to 15-60% of people with chronic illnesses, that flare like lupus. My OB emphasized how important it would be for me to have support at home, taking care of myself after Dreycin was born. After my own experience, I really then understood how important it was for me to ask my patients if they had support at home. I also realized how hard it was to make time for myself. My OB suggested that 7 days a week, I take 1hr a day for me, no disruptions doing something I wanted to do....in addition to 5 days a week 40min of continuous exercise to keep my lupus under control and depression at bay. In the beginning I couldnt do it I was too sore and tired, I couldnt make myself not just want to sleep during my 1hr..... until my 3rd week of postpartum, i started working out. I cant say I havent had my down days, and especially during this time Derek has been gone, I have felt like a single mother. Im so tired, I dont feel like doing anything but I do, I come home to take care of my miracle baby. The baby we thought we would never have, still brings tears to my eyes to this day. I think about women who have had loss, who so deeply want to become a mother. That is the saddest part of my days at work, I definitely come home grateful for my beautiful perfect son AGAINST ALL ODDS. Ive been lucky enough that I have not suffered from postpartum depression, but its all about maintaining a healthy well being. Doing something that makes you happy, confident, balanced, and having those you love support you 200%. Getting out going to Gymboree classes has definitely been positive & helped too, enjoying myself with Dreycin and getting to socialize with mom's & people other than at work. Im hoping when Derek comes home(After 7wks...aghhh) I can focus a little more on ME, like becoming more fit, losing this jello around my midsection! So its going to have to be working out and I am barely doing something 2x a week, if that since Derek has been gone. And I feel better physically and emotionally after working out, my body doesnt ache and im energized! I love the way I feel after any type of workout. Tonight for prime example, I was so exhausted, I had to work this morning and yesterday all we did was run around go to this class, and the next one, some errands, and finally to a friends house for dinner....all that on my day off....and back to the story....tonight im so tired, Dreycin is fussy, there is nothing to eat unless I want to cook, my mom finally wakes up to help me with Dreycin so that I can cook some yummy chicken alfredo pasta, get my lunch ready, do a load of clothes, and load the dishwasher(no exercise)...now its 8:30pm and im exhausted so she has given Dreycin his bath and gotten him ready for bed. Makes me sad a little that I cant do it all, but its impossible yet there are some women out there who do this and I bow to them. I dont know what I would have done if Derek was on a deployment, or gone sooner/longer than he has already been!

Im about to post some pics of swim lessons this week! My mom was able to come so she got some cute pics!